


Reincarnation

by letskisseu



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-13
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2018-01-08 13:51:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1133391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letskisseu/pseuds/letskisseu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean carries every single piece of memory from his past lives to his current and even though the lives are always different there's one thing that stays the same- his name is Marco Bodt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reincarnation

**Author's Note:**

> note - a straight line like this ----- = next life  
> three v's like this vvv = same life different time

                The first time they ever met was at training camp. Marco, being the friendly guy he was, often went around talking to everyone and anyone. Once he said something along the lines of “that Jaeger guy can sure be a little over the top sometimes” to Jean, they instantly clicked and even though the first time they met ended quite quickly, their bond was strong. Jean swore no matter what happened, he wouldn’t forget the freckled boy or the feelings he had for him in this life, his next life, or ever, since he was the boy who stole his heart.

\-----

                The second time they met was in a burning apartment building. Jean was a twenty-five year old fireman, who had saved many lives but he wasn’t so sure if he was going to make it out alive this time. The whole place was completely engulfed in flames and if he didn’t leave soon, the ceiling and all three floors above would soon come crashing down on him.

                “Anyone in here?” Jean shouted rather loudly down a hallway.

_Cough cough._

                Before he had even known it- his body moved on its own, diving straight into the flames towards the sound he just heard.  He frantically searched for any sign of anything living and to his dismay, there was nothing in plain sight.

                “I need you to tell me what room you’re in!”

                There was no response; instead a chunk of the ceiling flew down right before his eyes, just barely missing him.

                “Make a sound- anything!” he pleaded as a lump formed in his throat. Why was he so uneasy this time? He had been in so many situations exactly like this one- he knew exactly what to do but what was that voice in the back of his mind nagging him to hurry?

                There was a loud knock and that was enough to let Jean find the source of the sound. It was coming from the door he stood right next to. “I’m gonna break the door down so give me a signal when you’re ready!”

                And once again, there was another loud knock.

                Jean’s foot went straight through the door- tearing it down in less than a few seconds and as soon as the debris cleared from the air, his eyes fell on a little boy. He laid there on the floor motionless trapped under a thick beam that must have fallen from the ceiling. Jean felt his heart squeeze. _It was Marco_. “Don’t worry Marco.” Jean mumbled as he lifted the beam with ease, and tossed it half way across the room. “I’ll protect you.” His big brown eyes looked up at the older man completely confused. How did he know his name?

                Jean slipped off his mask and placed it on the boy’s head while scooping his limp body into his arms. “I won’t let you die this time.” The small freckled boy stared up at the man and he couldn’t help feel a wave of relief wash over him. He clutched the fireman’s shirt with his tiny hands and admired his rather chiseled facial features. Even though he was only five years of age Marco knew what handsome looked like, and this firefighter who had come to his recuse was definitely a model of that.

                Before he even knew it they were out of the building with only a few cuts and burns. A whole team of spectators who cheered at the sight of them.

                “He needs medical attention, he has a few first degree burns, his ankle might be sprained, and he inhaled a bit too much of that smoke.” Jean said, approaching a rather short man.

                “Who the hell do you think you’re giving orders to punk?” he sneered as he pulled a stretcher out of the ambulance. “Don’t you think I know what he needs? And why the hell did you take off your mask and give it to him? Do you have a death wish, Kirschtein?”

                Jean simply cracked a smile- completely ignoring his boss, and placed Marco on the bed, slightly crouching down at eye-level. “It’s okay Marco, you’ll be fine now.” The short man simply clicked his tongue in irritation. He slid the mask off of Marco’s face and tossed it at the blonde. “Get back to work.” Hearing those words made Marco’s eyes widen. He mustered up all of the strength he had left and shot up right off of the stretcher into Jean’s arms, earning a big smile from the older man. “Sorry kiddo.” He took off his glove and placed a bare hand on the small boy’s head, ruffling his slightly singed hair. “I gotta get back to work.” Marco bit his lower lip and clung to the man for dear life. Something in the back of his mind told him to not let him go and if he did- Marco didn’t even want to think about what would happen. Jean simply cocked an eyebrow. “Are you worried about me?”

                The small boy nodded his head and Jean couldn’t help but laugh. “I’ll be fine and besides it’s my job- I have to go.” He shook his head quickly. “I’ll visit you later in the hospital okay?” Jean flashed a reassuring smile towards the boy and placed a kiss on his forehead and in response Marco held out his tiny pinky finger.  

                Jean felt his heart melt and as he pressed his forehead against the boy’s with a smile that he couldn’t seem to wipe off his face. He placed another kiss right in between his eyes and locked their pinkies together. “Pinky promise.”

                “Come on brat, we need to get you to the hospital.” And with that, Jean placed the boy back on the stretcher, slipped his glove on, and quickly went back to work.

                 Marco never saw him again.

\-----

                The third time they met was in an alley way. Marco was seventeen and a bit annoyed at the fact that no one decided to toss out the several bags of trash that was starting to pile up in his family’s restaurant. “And- _oof_.” Marco huffed. “That’s the last of them.” He stood there in his busboy apron dusting off whatever trash had seemed to fall on his work attire. As soon as he turned on his heels to retreat back into the kitchen he heard a loud groan.

                Marco froze as his eyes quickly shifted from left to right scanning the pitch black alley way. “Um, is there someone there?”

                “Who the fuck-“ There was a loud bang that sounded like a trashcan falling and a wince came directly after it.

                “Are you okay- uh, sir?” Marco took a step in the direction of the sound.

                “Don’t you dare fucking come closer.”

                “You don’t really sound okay-“

                “I said don’t come closer!”

                Marco stood there debating whether or not he should go help the person that seemed like they were in dire need of medical attention or to go back into the kitchen and pretend like nothing happened. “I just wanna help.” Marco mumbled as he took a few more steps towards the person. What was he even thinking? This man could be dangerous- after all Marco knew pretty much nothing about him.

                 After a few footsteps, he heard a little splash. Did he step in a puddle of water? His eyes quickly averted to the ground struggling to make out what he stepped in. After a few moments as he let his eyes adjust to the darkness, his face went pale. A generous amount of blood now covered the bottom of both of his shoes. “Oh my god-“ he exhaled.

                 He followed the trail of blood that led to a boy, maybe around his age, lying on the ground with small scraps of trash covering him; his hand was on his lower abdomen, where the blood oozed from and from what Marco could see in the dim light, it didn’t look like it was going to stop any time soon. “I told you not to come closer.” he spat.

                “And I told you that I just wanted to help.” Marco retorted right back.

                “Oh gee golly- thank you Jesus for sending me a saint.” he sneered with sarcasm dripping from every word. “Don’t expect to gain anything from helping me.”

                There was a short silence and Marco chewed on the inside of his cheek.

                “We need to get you inside.”

                “We? What the hell do you mean by we? I can barely move and you want me to help you?” Marco simply let out a low growl and bent down tossing the rather lean boy’s arm over his shoulder. “This might hurt a bit.” He felt the boy tense under his grip. “One..two..three-“

                “God fucking damnit!” he cursed under his breath along with many other profanities that weren’t to Marco’s liking.

                “Just bear with me for a bit.” He quickly dragged the boy into his kitchen praying to god that no one in his family had woken up. “Shit Mom’s gonna be so pissed.” he whispered while laying the bloody boy across the counter top.

                That’s when he got a good look at him.

                The top part of his hair was blonde and the bottom part was shaved so closely to his head- it turned brown. It was a rather weird haircut but nevertheless he looked pretty attractive with it. His shirt was ripped wide open revealing a muscular body and a grotesque stab wound but he tried to not pay so much attention to that or else whatever he ate for dinner would have came right back up. “Didn’t you say you were going to help me?” a cocky smile formed on his lips as he noticed the freckled boy staring a bit too much. “Or are you so amazed by my beauty you can’t do a thing?”

                Marco felt the blood rush to his cheeks and he quickly turned on his heels. “I’m going to look for a first aid kit, so stay here.”

                “No.” he rolled his eyes. “I’ll drag my body all over your walls and draw you a pretty picture with my blood.” Marco simply shot him a small irritated glare and exited the room with his bloody shoes leaving trails of crimson behind him. Then he found it, after five minutes of frantically searching for the first aid kid and leaving tracks of blood- he found it.  Without stalling, he ran back into the kitchen and let out a sigh of relief as he peered around the corner, seeing that the beaten up boy still laid on the counter top.

                “Took you long enough.”

                “I- just uh-“ Marco stood in front of the boy with the first aid kit in both hands he felt his stomach turn.

                “You what?”

                “What do I do?”

                “You have got to be kidding me.”

                “The only injuries I’ve ever dealt with are small cuts and that’s clearly not a small cut.”

                “Treat it like one.”

                Marco hesitated. “Are you sure?”

                “Yeah- I’ve had worse, I’ll just go to the hospital in the morning.”

                “I should just take you there now-“

                “No.” His honey colored eyes locked with his and in that moment he swear his own heart skipped a beat. “I’ll go in the morning, just clean it off first.” Without another word the freckled boy reluctantly cleaned his well-toned abs off with a towel and flushed cheeks- avoiding looking up into his eyes and then, dabbed the wound, earning a few winces from the blonde boy. “Now hurry up and disinfect it.”

                “Won’t that hurt like-“                                                                         

                “Just do it.” Marco grabbed the disinfectant and chewed on the inside of his cheek once again. “I’ll do it on the count of three.”

                “Will you stop being such a big baby and do it already?”

                “One..Two..” Marco gritted his teeth. “Two and a half..”

                “Hurry-“

                “Three.”

                “FUCKING BLOODY HELL-“ His breath hitched, back arched, and whole body tensed, all while he clutched a bloody towel in his hand and bit his lower lip, almost drawing blood. Even though this wasn’t what you call “normal” situation, Marco had to admit, he was a bit attracted to the boy in pain. Okay that was a lie- he was completely turned on. “Are you going to keep on staring at me or bandage it?” Jean said after letting the pain subside for a few minutes.

                “O-oh.” Marco quickly fumbled around in the first aid kit and pulled out a roll of bandages. “I’m gonna need you to uh, take off your shirt.”

                “Take it off for me.”

                “H-huh?!”

                “Do you really think I can move in this condition?” While gritting his teeth Marco placed the roll down on the table and slid his hands right into Jean’s rather tight shirt. “Arm’s up.” And with ease the he pulled the shirt over his head while blushing furiously almost to the point Jean thought his freckles would pop right off due to the heat. “You must be really enjoying this huh.” The blonde cracked a smile. “Taking advantage of a man when he’s in pain. It didn’t strike me that you were that type of person but you know, you can never judge a book by its cover.”

                Marco simply scowled and he grabbed the roll. “Cocky much?”

                “Just a little.” A sly smirk played on his lips.

                “Name.”

                “What?”

                “Give me your name.” Marco replied bluntly. “I’m helping you so I should at least know your name, right?”

                There was a short pause.

                “Jean.” he mumbled. And now it was his turn to flush red. “The name’s Jean.”

                “Jean.” That four lettered word easily rolled off of his tongue, almost like he had said it many times before. “French?”

                “Yeah.” Without further questioning, Marco bandaged the boy while humming a small tune to distract himself from staring at the deep wound. “You know you aren’t half bad at this Marco.”

                “Thanks.” But then Marco froze. “How did you..know my name?”

\-----

                The fourth time was in a hospital. Jean had gotten into a severe car accident leaving him in a coma and his parents, being a bit too worried, hired the best staff to take care of the son they cherished.

"Good morning Jean!" Marco sung while happily trotting into the room, sliding the door closed behind him and like any other day, he was met with no response. "It's time for your sponge bath!" Marco hovered over the boy, ready to strip him but then his gaze wandered to his face.

                This was the first time he had ever had such a handsome boy as a patient- which was a nice change due to the fact Marco was usually stuck taking care of the elderly. He didn’t really mind but when it came to bath time- let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.

                “Your hair has gotten really long since the first time I saw you.” he mumbled while taking a few strands on to his index finger and then caressed them with his thumb. “I think I prefer you with short hair though.” And as if Jean heard him, he let out a small groan, catching the poor freckled boy off guard, sending his heart into a frenzy. This was first time something like this had happened.

                “Are you,” Marco paused. “waking up?” He stared at the boy who now had a rather pained expression on his face that wouldn’t seem to leave. “Or are you having a bad dream?” And without thinking, Marco placed a hand on the boy’s cheek slightly running his thumb over it, much like what his mother used to do when he was younger, and like magic, the pained expression left reverting back to his usual peaceful face. A smile tugged at the corner of Marco’s lips as he quickly removed his hand from Jean and went back to work, softly whistling a small tune.

 _“Marco.”_ It was a quiet murmur but for a second he thought Jean said his name or maybe he was just imagining things- “ _Don’t leave me.”_

                His cheeks turned a scarlet red. “He’s probably just talking in his sleep.” he reassured himself, it’s not like that was uncommon anyways. With that, Marco went back to work again- sliding the blanket off of the boy and slowly unbuttoning his shirt. No matter how many times he did it, his cheeks would burn a bright red and his palms would get all sweaty. He just couldn’t help it; after all he did develop a small crush on the boy.

                Not once had Jean replied to his greetings or questions but he found him comforting in some odd way. It was like they were good ol’ friends, although that wasn’t possible, however, there was a sense of familiarity and warmth that radiated off of the boy- Marco didn’t know him before his accident.

                Then it hit him. If they weren’t good old friends- who was the Marco Jean had called out for in his sleep? His heart dropped and as his lower lip trembled those hands of his curled up into two tight fists. “Ah, I’m jealous.” he admitted bitterly.

                He stood there staring down at the bed ridden boy and as a splash of water hit the tip of Jean’s nose, Marco’s eyebrows furrowed. Where was that water coming from? He lifted up a hand and pressed his fingertips against his cheek. When did he start crying?

                After a minute or two of attempting to stop the tears from rushing out of his eyes, he felt a small tug at the hem of his shirt. “Why are you crying?”

_It couldn’t have been._

                Marco quickly removed his hands from his face and there laid Jean, eyes wide open- staring up at the boy in confusion with a desperate weak hand clinging to his shirt. “What’s wrong?”

                “Oh my god-“ he swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. “Jean.”

                “Who made you cry?” His voice was so soothing- so euphonious, it melted his heart. “A-ah.” Marco mumbled. “I just-“

                “Was it because I left you for a while?” Jean frowned. He didn’t reply. “Sorry, I won’t leave you again, so don’t be sad.” Marco’s eyes were red, his face was now a bit puffy, and he had no idea what to do- Jean woke up thinking he was the other Marco, the Marco who had a special place near and dear to his heart.

                 “Come here for a second.” Jean motioned for him to lean down and without asking any questions- he did as he was told. “Are you serious Marco? Lean down more.” And almost as if the whole world disappeared, Marco leaned closer- their noses just barely scraping against each other. “Closer.” he muttered not breaking eye contact.

                Jean’s rough chapped lips pressed against his and in all honestly- it felt great, even though he was taking Jean away from some other Marco out there. But then again, he couldn’t have cared less. Jean was now his, and he was now Jean’s, that’s all he cared about.

\-----

                The fifth time was in a hospital. Marco’s wife, was giving birth and as soon as the baby was born, Marco’s heart stopped. “It’s a boy.” Doctor Smith stated. “Got a name for him?”

                Marco drew in a deep breath and hesitated for a moment. All of those names that he had previously thought about didn’t seem to fit the boy.

                Eren was a definite no, Reiner seemed a bit too off, Armin was just a bit too girly in his opinion, and the name Levi just sent shivers down his spine.

                “Jean.” he mumbled automatically not even letting a word process in his mind. “His name is Jean.”

vvv

                Marco was left with Jean as a single father but he didn’t mind really- his wife was bonkers and he couldn’t help but feel a bit intimidated by her. He didn’t want his son to be around someone emotionally unstable either. With her random flashes of violence and complete blind rage- it even scared Marco and if it scared Marco, it definitely wasn’t a good idea to keep her around Jean. Besides she didn’t want him anyways.

                After four months of being pregnant she suddenly went on a very heated rant about how she didn’t want a kid and before Marco even knew it, he had to stop her from preforming an abortion at home with a coat hanger. He was completely terrified but as soon as she calmed down she made a proposal.

It was to either to

                A.)   lay down fifty grand and a divorce right after the birth

                or

                B.)    to watch as his first child got ripped out of the womb.

                Without hesitation, he chose option A and he didn’t regret his decision at all. Jean was now the love of his life and was what kept him going. _Marco would do anything for that boy._

vvv

                It was four in the morning and Marco suddenly felt a tiny hand on the right side of his face. “What is it Jean?” Marco questioned as he flipped over to his side with eyes still closed.

                There was no reply.

                “Jean?” Marco’s eyes fluttered open to reveal his boy staring right back at him with a terrified expression and tears ready to spill all over his cheeks.

                “I had that dream again dad-“ he was crying now. “Half of your body was gone- everything seemed so real- and-“

                “Come here Jean.” Like many times before Marco opened his arms inviting the small four year old boy right into his warm chest, and, like each and every time, Jean crawled in. After a few moments of calming the boy with a soft song that he hummed, Jean’s tears stopped. “Dad?”

                And with his sleepy half closed eyes Marco simply replied with a small “Hmm?”

                “You can’t ever leave me okay?”

                Marco simply let out a small chuckle and kissed the bridge of Jean’s nose. “Of course I won’t.”

\-----

                The sixth time they met was due to some crappy school assignment- or that’s what Jean liked to call it before he met Marco.

                “Okay class!” his Psychology teacher exclaimed. “Did everyone bring their phones today?” A rather big portion of the class replied with a chorused “Yes~” while a select few just sat there bored out of their minds.

                 One of those few just happened to be Jean Kirschtein.

 _“This is such a stupid assignment.”_ he mentally scowled while tapping the tip of his pencil on his desk. _“So fucking stupid.”_

                And like every single time as soon as Eren sensed that Jean was in a bad mood with his “horse gaydar”, he stuck up the middle finger right behind the teacher’s back just to piss him off even more. “Jaeger.”  Jean growled under his breath while sending the annoying teen a death glare.

 _“Whatcha gonna do about it, horse face?”_ Eren mouthed putting a rather large amount of empathsis on his nickname.

 _“Fuck you.”_ Jean mouthed right back. Eren just rolled his eyes and quickly scribbled something on his notebook in orange marker. Then, he held up his little sign.

**I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE GAY.**

                Jean quickly averted his eyes and bit his lower lip as a desperate attempt to stop himself from flinging his chair at the boy.

                “Have something to say to the class Jean?” the teacher questioned noticing the hotheaded boy.

                “No sir.” he replied in a calmly manner and in the corner of his eye there was Eren, surely enough, laughing his ass off.

                He was going to totally beat his face in later.

                “Are you sure?” his teacher questioned. “Because you seem like you’re having an interesting conversation behind my back. Why won’t you tell us who you were mouthing those words to, Jean?”

                And by then Eren had already ripped out the page in his notebook and hid the marker under the desk. _“What a fucking prick.”_ Jean mentally noted.

                “We’re waiting Jean.”

                Jean slightly opened his mouth, at lost for words. Should he call out the asshole and take him down with him or simply endure it like a man and not stoop so low? Jean sighed.

                “Was it Mikasa?” his teacher raised an eyebrow as the whole class threw several sly remarks at him. After all everyone knew he looked at her a bit more often than other girls. What could he say? She was pretty damn attractive. “Jean everyone knows that Mikasa is Eren’s property.” Connie laughed from the corner of the room.

                “Shut the fu-“

                The teacher simply cleared his throat and picked up a box on his table. “Since you like being the center of attention, how about you remind everyone about this project? What’s the assignment?”

                Jean scowled and secretly rolled his eyes. “To analyze a person from another school through text messages and text messages only.”

                “And?”

                “Write a two paged report about them.”

                “And what are the main points of the essay?”

                Jean simply gritted his teeth in annoyance. “To describe their personality, habits that you notice, and overall what type of person you think they are.”

                “Good job, do you have your phone Jean?” He simply nodded earning a bittersweet smile from his teacher. “You can pick first then.”

                Jean shoved his hand into the black box and pulled out whatever slip of paper he touched first. “Go ahead and give your partner a text now.” And with that Jean pulled out his phone and simply punched the number in. Now what the hell was he supposed to say? He was never really a social person and this type of interaction that was based on what he said rather than his actions or whatever really didn’t go in his favor; after all, Jean had a habit of being incredibly honest.

                He let out a sigh. “I’ll just go for it.” he muttered. “It’s not like they know who I am anyways.”

**To: Unknown number**

**hey**

                Jean sat there for a moment suddenly nervous. What if this person he was observing, was a complete dick? Or what if it was a super-hot girl?  Jean gulped and a soft buzz broke him out of his thoughts.

                **From: Unknown number**

**Hey! Is this for that school project thing right?**

He bit his lower lip.

                **To: Unknown number**

**yea, whats ur name?**

                Jean instantly slapped his hand over his forehead- he wasn’t allowed to ask that, it was against the rules.

                **From: Unknown number**

**Isn’t that against the rules? Haha. Well, I guess you need to save me as something though. So how about ‘M’? Since it is the first letter of my name. What’s the first letter of yours?**

A smile tugged at the corner of his lips; maybe this project wasn’t so bad and besides this ‘M’ person seemed pretty nice.

                **To: M**

**‘J’. r u male or female?**

                **From: M**

**Male and don’t get offended but I’m assuming you’re of the male species too?**

                Jean simply let out a scoff. O _f the male species?_ Who even says that?

                “Okay everyone, put your phones away now.” The whole class responded with a chorused whine and to Jean’s surprise, he found himself thinking the same way. Not even getting to reply to his text, he slipped his phone back in his pocket and frowned.

vvv

                After a long day of tedious work and an annoying Jaeger, Jean was finally home.  He laid in bed with his phone right to his side waiting for ‘M’ to text back. Today wasn’t as bad as it usually was despite the fact that he was even more irritable than normal for the first portion of the day but after finally befriending someone that he could tolerate, it felt nice.

                **From: M**

                     **You just got home? Me too! But I’m kinda sad, I have a lot of homework. :c**

                Jean cracked a smile.

                **To: M**

**well tht sucks, i’m done with mine.**

**From: M**

**What?! How? You just told me you got home!**

**To: M**

**i do it in class. its not like i like to waste my time at home doing hw.**

**From: M**

**It’s called homework for a reason! Do it at home!**

**To: M**

**u sound like my mom**

                That was the last text he had gotten from ‘M’ that day and he started to panic. After hours of sitting there waiting for a reply, he became paranoid. What if he scared the boy away? Was the last thing he said too harsh? Did he not understand that the whole comparison to his mom was a joke? Jean frowned and tossed an arm over on his eyes while his legs hung over on the side of his bed. “Great job Jean.” he muttered under his breath. “You scared away another potential friend.”

vvv

                In the middle of the night Jean woke up and the first thing he remembered was what happened earlier and a bitter taste was left on his tongue. He fucked up on another potential friend again. But as soon as his eyes fluttered open, they landed on his phone which currently was flashing. It was two am and he noticed the little message icon at the corner of his phone.

**From: M**

**Hey! Sorry I didn’t reply earlier! I was doing homework and I ended up falling asleep right after. Uh, I know it’s late but are you still awake? I can’t sleep. :/**

                Jean squinted and looked at the time- it was sent five minutes ago meaning there was a good chance he was still up.

**To: M**

**yea i’m up**

**From: M**

**Are you sure I didn’t wake you up? And uh I know we just met but do you think it’s okay if we talk on the phone? I’m home alone and honestly I’m really scared.**

**To: M**

**sure i don’t mind.**

                Without even thinking, his own two thumbs had betrayed him and sent the message.

**From: M**

**Thanks a lot! I’ll call in a minute exactly from now so get ready!**

                Jean laid there, heart pounding and palms sweating. What the hell had he just done? After not having a friend for so long it was starting to affect him. And as soon as he saw the last digit on his clock change, his phone rang.

                "Hello?" Jean squeaked. His eyes went wide as his cheeks flushed pink- he cleared his throat. There was a small chuckle that echoed through his ears and straight into his heart. "Hey, uh sorry for making you do this."

                "I don’t really mind." he quickly replied without a single thought. There was another laugh and Jean couldn’t help but lay there in the silence and let the sound ring through his body. It was so beautiful chills flew down his spine.

                 "Uh, did you fall asleep?" M's voice questioned through the phone and instantly Jean let out the breath that he didn’t know he was holding in.

                "Y-yeah, this is just a bit awkward you know?"

                "Sorry, we could hang up-"

                "No, it’s fine really." Jean interjected.

                "Are you sure?"

                "Positive." he replied as his eyes fluttered shut. "So, what are you so scared of anyways?"

                There was a short pause, and as usual, Jean started to panic. Did he scare him off? "Is it too personal?"

                "Ah- no it’s just that-" he let out a sigh. "It’s kind of embarrassing and I was trying to think of a way of phrasing it without making me sound like a baby."

                 Now it was Jean's turn to chuckle.

                 "How cute." After a few moments of silence it had finally hit him. He said something that was completely odd.

                "I'm not cute." M huffed with a hint of a childish tone in his voice. "I’m manly as hell."

                "Oh yeah?" Jean smirked with that cockiness that appeared only when Jaeger bothered him. "I bet I could knock your ass down in two seconds flat."

                "Two seconds?" the boy scoffed. "Aren’t you giving yourself a bit too much credit?"

                Jean froze as he heard footsteps stomp towards his room.

                "Jean Kirschtein!" his mom yelled while banging on his door. "What do you think you're doing up at two thirty in the morning?!" Jean quickly slid his phone under his covers- face down and as soon as he heard the click of his door he instantly turned on his acting skills that he obtained in third grade after working his ass off for what he liked to call a ‘shitty ass play’. He was actually pretty proud of them though, after all he beat Eren and got the lead role, making him Romeo, and Eren some random horse in the background. He slightly smiled at the memory and threw his covers over his head.

                His mom came barging in- door swung wide open and the lights flicked on. However, when she saw a groggy looking boy who could barely open his eyes she hesitated. "Mom? Did something happen?" he questioned in that sleepy voice he had perfected a few years ago and sat up- rubbing those honey colored eyes of his.

                "Oh sorry sweetie." she murmured a bit skeptical. "I thought I heard you talking in here." With that she left- turning the lights off behind her and closing the room door. Jean waited just to be safe but as soon as he heard the slam of a door he pulled his phone out from under the covers and placed it up against his ear. "Uh- hello?" he whispered.

                "Hello Jean!" the boy replied in a rather sing song voice that made his heart melt. His name just seemed to roll off of his tongue. "Almost got caught huh?"

                "Erm, yeah." once again his cheeks flushed red.

                "You have a nice name though. It like- ugh how do you put it? It- uh, fits with your last name. Does that make sense?”

                “Yeah it-“ Jean went stiff. In the other room he could faintly hear it- the sounds of the squeaking spring bed, the hushed moans, and the small cries for more. He gagged- his parents couldn’t be doing _that_. _Could they?_

                "Oh my fucking god." Jean muttered under his breath in pure disgust.

                "What happened?"

                "They’re doing it-“ he hesitated. “My parents are totally doing it right now."

                There was a small pause and then 'M' bursted out laughing. "That’s the-“ he choked on his spit ”funniest thing I've heard all week!" Jean could almost picture how the boy looked- holding his stomach with tears brimming in the corner of his eyes. He felt his heart rise up to his throat. "Well Jean." he  giggled after calming down a bit. "I would let you come to my house but you know- we barely know each other."

                "Fuck that shit. I rather risk it than hear this. Besides if you’re some creep it doesn’t matter, I told you I could knock your ass flat in two seconds didn’t I?"

                There was a short pause.

                "Would you really come over though?"

                Jean hesitated. This ‘M’ guy didn’t really seem like a bad guy but Jean was pretty sure he could take on whatever was thrown at him anyways. If he could deal with Jaeger- he could deal with anyone. "Hell yeah." he replied trying to not make it sound like he was a bit too excited.  

                "Alright then!" ‘M’ exclaimed. "Should I text you my address right now?"

                "You’re pretty chill about this. I mean I’m a total stranger-" 

                "I told you I could take you down didn’t I?" he mocked with a hint of confidence in his voice. Jean just smiled.

                In the next ten minutes Jean found himself jumping outside of his window at three am and quickly walking down the street in his pajamas. It was weird really. He should’ve been scared- he should’ve been worried that he could be walking into some creep’s house, but he wasn’t, he was actually quite excited. And what made it even better was that this 'M' guy lived only down the block from him. How much of a coincidence was that? 

                "I’m here." Jean mumbled while tugging his jacket closer to his rather well built frame. It was probably cold enough to almost start snowing but he didn’t care; it was either to stay home and listen to his parents have sex or go to this ‘M’ guy’s house and he definitely chose the second option.

                "Whoa how did you get here so fast?"

                “You live a block from me actually.”

                “Oh shit really? That’s cool! Uh wait- let me open the door for you.”

                "No.” Jean replied sarcastically. “How about you wait and I’ll open the door.”

                And right there and then the door swung open revealing an out of breath freckled boy. "Haha, very funny." ‘M’ replied while ending the conversation on his phone. Jean couldn’t help but stand there completely at loss for words. "So are you going to come in or what?"

                With a slight smirk on his lips and a burst of memories surging through his brain- he felt suddenly confident. "I'm home." Jean mumbled while taking a step in. Marco simply cocked an eyebrow. "Since when did this become your home?"

                Jean lazily tossed his body on to the couch and flashed a smile at the tan boy. "Home isn’t a place, Marco. It's a feeling." Marco's eyebrows simply furrowed. "And what makes you say that?"

                He simply shrugged and Marco rolled his eyes- with a small smile on his face, he couldn’t help but play along. _“Well, welcome home then, Mrs. Bodt.”_

Those words melted his heart.

**\-----**

                The seventh time they met was at a coffee shop. Marco was a waiter, Jean was a regular customer and like every other cliché story, they fell in love. It started off like this; Jean woke up every day searching- waiting- for the freckled boy, and one day he found him. He courted him like how he usually did in his past lives, with cringe worthy sweet talk, his looks, and his cockiness that the freckled boy was oddly fond of. However, this life had a different ending.

                A year or two after they gotten married Jean was suddenly cursed with amnesia. First it wasn’t that severe. Jean forgot the small things like where he placed his keys, what he was about to do, and certain special dates. Then it started getting worse. Jean started to forget years, months, weeks, and once it got to days, they sent him to the hospital. But even though he had forgotten everything he always had a sense of familiarity when he saw a certain face that he fell in love with years before.

                Each day Jean woke up in a blank state- not remembering one thing from his twenty three years of life but Marco remembered everything- absolutely everything.  

vvv

                “Who are you?” he asked the freckled man who sat next to his side. Marco simply smiled, propped one of his arms up on the bed- resting his face on the back of his hand while caressing Jean’s with his other one. “Marco Bodt.” he replied. “104 trainee corps, captain of squad 19, your best friend, and your lover.”

                Jean’s eyebrows simply furrowed and after a long hard look at the matured face he simply frowned. “What?” Marco questioned.

                “Are you sure you aren’t lying to me?” Jean eyes narrowed on the freckled man.

                “What are you talking about Jean?”

_“How the hell did I get someone as beautiful as you?”_

vvv

                Jean laid in bed a bit drained from whatever the hell he did last night. He couldn’t remember. His eyes fluttered open and he looked to his right where someone laid. He blinked. “Who the hell are you?”

                The sleeping man stirred and as he woke up the first thing he did was greet him with a smile. “Good morning Jean.”

                “You didn’t answer my question.” The man slightly tilted his head to the side in confusion. “Ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t hear it, care to repeat?”

                “Who the hell are you?” And Jean could’ve sworn he saw a flicker of sadness in his eyes. “Marco Bodt.” he replied. “You saved me from a burning apartment building when I was younger.”

                Jean eyed him. “I’m not a firefighter?” he said with a bit of confusion in his voice. Marco simply raised his hand to his lips and kissed his middle knuckle. “Not anymore, you’re my lover now.”

                All of the heat in his body seemed to collect as his cheeks. _“I like men?”_

 _“Correction,”_ Marco replied while brushing his lips against the back of his hand. _“you like me.”_

vvv

                Jean sat in the hospital room completely confused. Why the hell was he in the hospital and who the hell was this Marco person that the nurse kept on telling him about? He glanced at the clock, 12:10 pm. He let out an aggravated sigh. This Marco guy was supposed to be here at one and Jean didn’t think he could last that long. Something in the back of his mind was nagging at him. He wanted answers and he wanted them now.

                Before he even knew it, it was one. He had passed the time watching TV and he had to admit, that SpongeBob show was pretty damn funny. “He’s restless.” he heard someone outside of his door sigh. “He kept on bothering me.” There was a light laugh that made his heart skip a beat. “Sorry for the inconvenience. I’ll talk to him now.”

                The door slid open and Jean had to admit, whoever this guy was, he was pretty attractive. “Hey Jean.” he said while flashing a pearly white smile. “I heard you were bothering the nurses a lot today.”

                “Who are you?” His smile slightly faltered but as he pulled up a chair to the blonde man’s bed he ruffled his hair. “Marco Bodt.” he replied as his fingertips ran down the side of his jaw and slightly tipped his chin up. “You got stabbed outside of my family’s restaurant a few years ago. You’re a real rebel aren’t you?”

                Jean’s heart pounded against his chest and a lump formed in his throat. “And once again you’ve gotten yourself into deep trouble.”

                “That’s not what I meant-“ his voice cracked and Marco only raised an eyebrow completely amused with his facial expression. Jean didn’t know why but he knew it, in the pit of his stomach, he knew it- this guy was something special. _“I meant- who are you to me?”_

 _“Husband.”_ Marco placed his lips on Jean’s and the blonde’s eyes instantly widened. Even though he had no idea what was going on, he couldn’t say he didn’t like it.

vvv

                Marco let out a sigh as he fixed the sheets of the man he loved before him. “Geez Jean.” he muttered. “You move around so much in your sleep.” Jean’s honey eyes snapped right open and he quickly grabbed the hand of the male right above him. “Who are you?”

                Marco let out another deep sigh and felt his heart slightly squeeze. “Marco Bodt, I’m your nurse.”

                “Nurse?” Jean’s eyes darted around the room. “Why..am I in a hospital?”

                “You were in a car accident.” he chuckled. The way Jean’s face lit up in utter confusion was always amusing to the man. “Nurse Marco at your service! Did you need something Jean?”

                “Are you really a nurse?”

                “Used to be but I retired.”

                “Why, aren’t you too young to retire?”

                “Well isn’t someone a curious cat?”

                “I- uh- shit sorry- I didn’t mean to pry-“ Jean quickly released the male’s hand and gritted his teeth.

                “It’s fine.” Marco replied as he swiped the blonde’s bangs out of his face. “I retired so I could take care of you.” He placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

                “Are we- uh, lovers?” his face turned bright red. _“Because I’m strangely really attracted to you.”_

 _“Yes Jean.”_ Marco smiled. _“We’re lovers.”_

vvv

                “Who are you?”

                “Marco Bodt, a close relative.”

                Jean stared hard at the freckled man in front of him. “You’re lying.” he accused pointing an index finger at the man. “You can’t be a relative.”

                “I’m hurt Jean!” Marco put a hand over his heart and faked a tragic expression. “You don’t remember your most loved family member?”

                Jean stared hard once again. “Nope, nothing.” With a sigh he threw his body back on to the hospital bed and laid there not taking his eyes off of the man. “When you were little you used to come crying to me.” Marco laughed. “You had some nightmares and always begged to sleep with me.”

                He instantly turned red. “Did not!”

                “I’m starting to think you have a thing for guys. You never left me alone!”

                “Nope, I don’t remember so it didn’t happen.” Marco let out a sigh and stood up. “H-hey what are you-“ Without hesitation he grabbed both sides of his face and placed a kiss right on the bridge of his nose. _“Remember anything now?”_

                Jean didn’t want to admit it but he felt it- the familiarity of his lips, the shape, the softness, he slightly remembered it.

_“Nope.”_

vvv

**From: M**

**Good morning Jean! I won’t be coming today but I’ll see you tomorrow!**

                Jean laid there with his phone in both of his hands. “M?” he muttered. “What kind of stupid name is that?” 

**To: M**

**who r u**

**From: M**

**Did you forget? I’m your textpal! You know like a penpal but through text! Ahaha!**

                Jean couldn’t help but smile, this person was oddly cute.

**To: M**

**wats the M stand for? Marco????**

                Marco sat there sipping a coffee at work and after reading Jean’s text, the coffee ended up all over his pants, table, and shirt. “Shit!” Marco mumbled as he fumbled with several napkins, dabbing the areas hot coffee had soaked through. Did Jean finally remember?

**From: M**

**How did you know?!**

**To: M**

**wild guess lol, Marco has always been my fave name.**

                Jean lied. There was something picking at him in the back of his mind. Something telling him that his name was Marco. Or was he just over thinking it. Jean let out a sigh. _“I’m probably just over thinking it.”_

vvv

                It got worse. So bad to the point Jean couldn’t even remember what happened a minute ago. Marco had finally gotten fed up with it. His tears brimmed at the corner of his eyes as he bit his lower lip.

                _“Who are you?”_

                “Your best friend.”

_“Who are you?”_

                “A kid you saved.”

                _“Who are you?”_

                “Your savior.”

                _“Who are you?”_

                “A nurse.”

                _“Who are you?”_

                “A close relative.”

                _“Who are you?”_

                “M.”

                Jean sat there staring at the freckled man- not even looking away once and as Marco’s tears fell, he gripped on to the blonde’s hand even tighter. Marco hung his head low not even able to stare up at the man.

                “Is this how you felt?” his voice came out dry. “Oh my god- I’m so sorry Jean-“ He felt a hand on his wet cheek. _“I guess it’s your turn to find me now, Marco.”_

                Marco’s head shot up and as he quickly wiped the tears that fell from his eyes he stared at the man’s smiling face. “W-what was that?” Jean closed his eyes and Marco clenched his hand. “Jean- wait, Jean!”  

_June 16 th, Jean Kirschtein’s first real death. _

 

**Author's Note:**

> one of my first fics i've actually finished in awhile so excuse the fact that it somewhat sucked lmao  
> and oh, this is my first fic on here so thank you for reading <3  
> 


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